Friendship First | Foundation 5 – Lesson 6

Go back to Job Search Prep Syllabus.

Q: How do you know if your efforts to engage others are successful?

A: By the look on their faces.

It’s very important that as you move into a world of more purposeful relationship-building, that you stay grounded and genuine. We’re not trying to turn you into politicians!

To help you with this, I want you to keep something in mind as you practice engaging others in this new, more purposeful way: What matters most is trust. What matters first is friendship.

If trust cements relationships, friendship forms them. Of course, not every relationship is based on a friendship—there are many factors at play, including consistency, respect, ethics, and mutual self-interest—but it’s true enough that if you strive for friendship, more often than not, the relationship will work out.

Think of it this way: when someone asks you for help, don’t you ask yourself, “Do I want to spend time with this person? Is this someone I want on the other end of the phone when it’s ringing? Is this someone I’d like to introduce to my friends and coworkers?”

As you share how you can help, also be sure to share a bond. Spread the work discussion over several meetings, using each as an opportunity to sell yourself as well as your work.


Review the following list of communicating tips and incorporate them into yesterday’s homework.

  1. Laughing is encouraged, as long as the topic is not risky.
  2. Table manners count; if you don’t know how to behave when food is involved, pick up a copy of Tiffany’s Table Manners for Teenagers.
  3. At after-hours events, before getting a drink for yourself, offer to get one for the other person. If there is alcohol in your drink, don’t drink it, sip it. Slowly. (Slower.)
  4. Always take responsibility for introducing new people that may show up.
  5. Poke fun at yourself, never at others.
  6. Have conversation planned and ready to go. (Practice those stories!)
  7. When listening to a story, respond with questions, not a story of your own. (As badly as you want that job, communicating is not about you… it’s about the person you’re talking to, their problems, and the solutions you can bring to them.)
  8. Relax. Being focused and being tense are two different things.
  9. If you ask someone to a meal, take the check the moment it arrives and unobtrusively move it to a corner of the table near you. Pay it. Never agree to a meeting at a restaurant that is out of your budget. When possible, meet for breakfast: it’s the cheapest meal.
  10. At a restaurant, if conversation is moving well, don’t interrupt the other person to get the waiter, pay the check, etc. Wait until you can interrupt yourself.
  11. Be courteous and respectful to everyone. Make eye contact with servers when ordering. Thank the bus boy.
  12. Smile more than you think you should.
  13. To the best of your ability, have fun!

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