What do you think is the single most important element of getting a job?

Right, attitude.

So—huh? What? Did you say “résumé ?”

You think the résumé  is the most important part of getting a job?

Oh, I see…

OK, let’s back up.

All the way to the beginning.

Getting a job vs. looking for a job.

Right now, here at the very beginning, you need to make a decision: are you interested in looking for a job, or getting one? This is important because these are very different things.

The job search follows a clear process:

1. You find an opportunity by searching information organizations make available about open positions.
2. You apply for the open position by submitting a cover letter and résumé .
3. If you make the cut, You go through one or more interviews.
4. If you make the cut, You receive an offer, and maybe negotiate it.
5. If you make the cut, You accept the offer.
6. If no one gets cold feet, You start work.

This is the job search process. Getting a job through this process is a happy accident, not a forgone conclusion. And in this process, the résumé  gets top billing, because it’s the wedge you use to try to get yourself in the door.

The job getting process looks different. For one thing, the job getting process is non-linear. That right there is going to scare the pants off a lot of people who like their worlds nice and orderly. For another thing, in the job getting process, your résumé —along with all your other materials—are merely representations of the product you’re selling, to be used like any glossy “marketing collateral.” That is to say, they should be used only if necessary to capture someone’s attention, and dismissed as quickly as possible in favor of a discussion of the real goods, a.k.a., YOU. Here, at a high level, is what the job getting process looks like:

1. A connection is made between yourself and someone at a company.
2. Someone—either you or your connection—takes the initiative to inquire about needs.
3. Both sides are open enough to share enough information to get both sides to realize that further, more directed talks would be a good idea, but not so much information that either side looks desperate or naïve.
4. During subsequent conversations, needs and wants are more clearly articulated. Someone—either you or your connection—identify what the relationship should be, and figure out who needs to be involved to make a decision. (If you’re thinking this sounds like a waste of time—you want a job, and the decision makers are the hiring manager and HR, then you’re forgetting something: this is a non-linear process! You could be looking at a consulting arrangement or project work, or maybe you’re not a good fit for the organization but the person you’re talking to knows of another job at another company that you’d be perfect for.) It is somewhere during this step when the résumé  is presented.
5. Work begins. You start to do something of value for your connection: a bit of research, bringing a potential deal to the table, writing a piece of code you think could solve a problem for them… something.
6. A deal is negotiated.
7. Formal work begins.

It doesn’t matter what level you are. It doesn’t matter how old you are. This is the job getting process. Applicant tracking systems, résumé /cover letters, phone screens, etc., are all tools to help organizations streamline their role in this process. These are tools organizations need because they often have scores of people trying to engage them in this process at the same time, and they need some way to manage the resulting chaos.

But make no mistake: this is the process of job getting.

If you hold the attitude of job getting in your head, you will be far more likely to be successful in how you network, how you putt together a résumé , how you write that email. You will be better prepared to interpret unclear feedback, respond to unanticipated objections, and work around roadblocks. You will project an attitude of success that will differentiate you from others who project desperation. And best of all, you will be focused on the desired result instead of the process—which, by the way, is exactly the mindset your prospective employer is looking for.

For these reasons, in this course, we start with your attitude… with what’s going on “upstairs.” Once your head is in the right place, then we circle back to the critical skills you need to get a job. Not résumé  writing—that’s not a skill, that’s an application of a skill—but real skills, including creative thinking, research, communication, and sales—oh yeah, and one more skill that you won’t realize that you’ve learned until after you’ve completed the course.

HOMEWORK

(1) Sign up for the rest of the program. (2) Get out there and get that job!

I have written extensively on the topic of acing job interviews. Many practical tips for reading (and demonstrating) key job skills can be found on my blog. Ultimately, the key to interviewing is this: you need to demonstrate both functional ability and social ability. Not just one or the other, but both. In other words, you have to match what you say with both how you say it and how you show it.

For example, if I tell you I’m a high energy guy, but I’m slouching and yawning when I say it, something won’t sit right with you. Similarly, if I tell you that my strength is in focusing for extended periods to solve tough problems, but during the interview I’m continuously bouncing from topic to topic, that focus comment won’t jibe for you. Everything about you in the interview—what you say, what you do, how you say things—has to be in concert.

If you read the blog posts above, you’ll find tips on how to create this type of congruency for some of the most important job skills employers look for, including loyalty, passion, ability to handle ambiguity, and decisiveness. Here, I’m going to give you 1 overriding tip that will help you plan for and ace any interview.

This tip is so simple, most people overlook it. And it’s so true, as soon as you read it, you’ll get it. Ready? Here it is…

Seiden’s 1 Tip for Acing a Job Interview:

1. Think about the next conversation you want to have after the interview with the employer, and conduct yourself during the interview in a way that sets up that subsequent conversation.

What most people forget when stepping into a job interview is that the interview is not just a screening process but also a social interaction that has to flow smoothly. How do we forget this?! We go through the same exact process when it comes to dating, and in that area, we are acutely aware of the importance of the social element of the interaction! How many people do you know who have been on dates and then come back and said something to the effect of, “Smart, good looking, reasonably successful… and totally annoying.”

When we forget that prospective employers are going through the same type of thought process in our job interview, we tend to talk too much about our skills and abilities in an effort to prove ourselves. Which is like going on a date and talking about ourselves. Is there a guy on the planet who hasn’t made this mistake? Brutal.

Just like on a date, solve the other person’s problem. Don’t hide your skills, but let them draw things out. And while the other side is asking about you, what do you do? Sit and wait for the next question? No! You return volley and ask about his or her needs! You offer to help! You swap stories!

You make it easy for them to say, “I’m glad we met. I want to see you again.”

HOMEWORK

As a company owner, I occasionally get emails, voicemails, LinkedIn notes, and other forms of inquiries from folks looking for a job.

Based on my own experiences (like this one), as well as experiences shared with me by others, here are 10 tips I can offer for the best way to reach out to others for employment.

1. Stay in control. If you cold call to ask about open positions, you are completely at the mercy of my mood. If I happen to be thinking about my needs relative to the role you are seeking to play, or if I’m feeling charitable, maybe we’ll talk. If I’m busy, I’m deleting your email before I’ve read the first line, and I’m certainly double 7’ing your voicemail message without calling you back. It’s not that I want to be rude, it’s that I didn’t ask for you to contact me, so I don’t feel obligated to respond.
2. Play the game. If we meet and, after learning that you’re looking for a job, I ask for a specific piece of information that cannot be found on your résumé , don’t respond with your résumé . Have enough confidence in yourself to play the game! On the dating scene, you don’t move straight from “Hi!” to “Let’s hang out!” There is a space in between that is filled with courtship. Your emails to a prospective employer should demonstrate that you know how to fill that space in a professional context. Don’t get pushy.
3. KISSASS. When it comes to electronic communications, we go beyond Keep It Simple, Stupid. We go to Keep It Stupid Short And Stupid Simple. Especially if you’re reaching out to an executive, expect your email to be first seen on a PDA. Get to the point, get there fast, and get out.
4. Be concise. Know what you want, and what I need to say yes to your request. You send me a detailed email, a separate cover letter in an attachment, and your résumé . It’s about four pages of material all told. Hi, have we met? I’m one of the 300 million Americans suffering from information overload. You’re not helping. In fact, what I know about you from your attachment-laden document is that if you worked for me, and I asked you what time it was, you’d give me the time buried in a thick explanation of how a watch works. In other words, I don’t have time for you.
5. Use LinkedIn wisely. Please, be helpful, creative, and confident. Please. If you just burned a connection to ask me if you can send me your résumé , or worse, if you burned a connection to send me 6 paragraphs about your technical skills and an inquiry as to any open positions I might have or might know about, I’m going to be depressed for you. Don’t make me sad. I want to feel good.
6. Think for yourself. I’ve heard the story about the person who sent a shoe to a prospective employer along with a clever note about having a foot in the door. I’ve heard about champagne sent in anticipation of a hire worth celebrating about. Don’t copy someone else. Be yourself. Stunts like those are expensive, risky, and better be attached to a highly charismatic individual who can “pull them off.” Frankly, if you were the kind of person who could pull them off, you wouldn’t need to read an article to get the idea.
7. Stay on top of things. I get lazy, distracted, and forgetful. And it’s your future at stake. So if you’re not sure where you stand, you own the follow up. Don’t be annoying, but if you do it right, I won’t begrudge you managing your own future. In fact, I’ll appreciate it.
8. Don’t be lazy; mail merge is not your friend. I once got an email to “Dear Recruiter.” It was from a college senior at a great school who wanted an internship. My reply was, in part, “…if you didn’t have the energy to address your email to me—and my name is the name of my firm, you didn’t even have to look it up, for crying out loud—then I don’t have the energy for your application.” Get the message here?
9. Get comfortable with non-linear communications. I don’t care about you and your job search, I’ve got my own problems. So if you want me to care about you, you have to earn that by first becoming someone I want to care about. And you know who I care about? I care about people who care about me. Who solve my problems. And by problems, I don’t necessarily means what I’m dealing with in my business! It could be choosing a college for my kids. Or dealing with weekly international travel. Or taking care of ailing parents. There is no shortage of ways you can help me—starting with something as simple as sending me an article relevant to my life. What you cannot expect is to be able to come to me expecting to need job, talk about needing a job, moving to an interview, and then getting a job. All that will happen… but with a whole lot of circuitous motion and other “stuff” thrown in.
10. Match your tone to the medium. Please don’t send me a formal email. I haven’t the time. Don’t be sloppy, don’t skip out on punctuation, don’t tell me I’ll “ROFL when I c yr rez.” But don’t just as you wouldn’t wear a tux to a BBQ, don’t be too formal in your emails, either.

HOMEWORK

If you are going to use email, LinkedIn, and other forms of communication well, then you need to walk a mile in my shoes first, and understand what I expect of each channel and the people who reach out to me through those channels. You need to put your fears about what to say to rest, and you do that by improving your understanding of the situation.

But how?

You do this by thinking like a recipient rather than a sender. It’s easier than you think… because you ARE a recipient. Don’t you have habits to help you screen emails? What do you do when you get a note from someone you don’t know?

Which ones do you automatically delete? Which do you read? Which do you act on?

Why?

Here’s a simple way to start writing better messages:

1. Set up a second email address if you don’t already have one.
2. Write your message—whatever it is.
3. Send your message to your 2nd email address.
4. ALSO turn on auto-forwarding so that copies of all the messages you receive get sent to your new email address. If that’s too technical for you, just SEND 20-30 other emails from your email inbox. Forward one or two, but for most of them, cut and paste into blank emails. You want the new email inbox to look authentic.
5. Wait at least 6 hours.
6. Go check your new email, and ask yourself: (1) Did your note pass the spam filter? (2) Is the subject line compelling?  And (3) When you open message after message, does your message to yourself feel right? Or does it stick out like a sore thumb?
7. Refine, resend, review until you are happy.
8. Send the message for real.

The most ironic thing about mastering your ability to network with others is that many people try to learn to do it alone in front of their computers.

The best networkers are those who can quickly and accurately assess other people’s needs and figure out how to address those needs… skills developed by interacting and practicing with others.

(OK, OK. that’s not entirely true. Part of how you improve your dealings with others is to improve your self-awareness and comfort with yourself.)

But in yet another ironic twist, you can probably learn more about yourself, faster by hanging around other people than hanging out alone, meditating. Why? Because people are born self-delusional. Our egos make liars out of all of us. (Proof: study after study confirms the “Lake Woebegon” effect, where about 85% of people see themselves as above average—a statistical and definitional impossibility. For the record, only 50% of any group can be above average.) Hanging out with others will provide you with the feedback you need to pierce your self-delusions and figure out how others see you, which will give you a pretty big clue as to who you are.

But wait! Shouldn’t you not care what others think of you? Ultimately, yes, but since you need them to accept you, it helps to be accepted for who you are. And, so, if their feedback is off, then you know that the image you project does not match the image they have of you. So, you change your behavior. Or acknowledge that maybe you’re self-delusional. Either one is good.

I’ve had clients tell me that implementing this practice makes them worry about becoming politicians. They don’t want to be so attuned to what others think of them. To which I say, that’s right. You don’t care what others think of you. But you care a lot about what you can learn from their feedback about how you are projecting yourself and whether or not your ego is lying to you. (Ever watch American Idol and think to yourself, “Honey, it’s great you believe in yourself, but you really, really should listen to Simon on this one… and get a day job?”) Listening for feedback and processing it will improve your self-awareness, improve your comfort with yourself, align your self-image with the image you project, and help you network more successfully for jobs that are good matches for your abilities.

So get out there and mix it up with folks! You might be surprised at what you learn…

(PS—Yeah, I know you can socialize online. But since you’re considering taking this course, I’m going to assume a level of online aptitude. I want you ready for when you meet your prospective employer face-to-face.)

HOMEWORK!!!

1. Take a sheet of paper and put a line down the middle, top to bottom, and another line about ½ an inch in from the right margin, also top to bottom. Across the top of the left column, write, “If I were…” Start writing. Fill that column top to bottom with things that you would like to believe are true about yourself. For instance, my list might include:
   -a good consultant
   -a good salesman
   -a good writer
   -a good husband
   -etc.
   (You can take your time with this and do it over multiple sittings.)
2. Atop the big middle column, write, “…then people would…” and fill this column with how other people would act around you if the item in the left column were true. For example, my list might look like this:
   

   If I were…	…people would know it because…
   -a good consultant	…Clients would not hesitate to write LinkedIn recs when asked.
   -a good salesman	…people would be buying my services.
   -a good writer	…people would be recommending my books and blogs to others.
   -a good husband	…my wife would be completely at ease.

3. In the final column, put the header “% True” and then assign a value to how much reality matches what you think should be true. This part is the tough part, and I recommend you do it privately at first. See the example below. What you will find is that you can quickly see the next step in your development evolution:
   

   If I were…	…people would know it because…	% True
   -a good consultant	…Clients would not hesitate to write LinkedIn recs when asked.	?% true
   -a good salesman	…people would be buying my services.	?% true
   -a good writer	…people would be recommending my books and blogs to others.	?% true
   -a good husband	…my wife would be completely at ease.	?% true

4. Pick one or two of the items from your list to focus on. On a different sheet of paper, write down why you think there is a gap in the “% True” column—in other words, write down why you think you are not at 100% True. Identify one or two specific behaviors that you think, if you were to change them, could positively impact your ability in those areas. Make the change, and then watch how people treat you when you engage with them. Use the feedback to improve your self-awareness and self-comfort.
5. Surprise bonus! If you do this exercise, you will have improved the way you network with others without ever consciously thinking about networking. For you introverts out there, that’s a pretty sweet deal, wouldn’t you say?!

In the job getting process, your résumé serves a very specific purpose: it gives the hiring organization a measure of comfort that you are “for real.”

That’s it.

It doesn’t make you friends, open doors, or get you the job. In fact, the résumé can’t do anything except one thing: it can get you cut. As in, if it’s not perfect, if it has a typo, or if it’s missing the particular phrase someone has in mind for the position, you’re out.

So, I’m wondering, because I know perfecting this document is where most people spend the majority of their job-seeking energy, why divert so much time from things that can help you move forward and spend it on something that can only help you stay in the game?

Have you ever bought a car? How much time did you spend studying the list of standard features? How much of your decision was based on the glossy? Haven’t you ever seen a glossy and thought, “Great glossy, too bad the product is crap. If they spent a fraction of their marketing budget on product development, they’d be dangerous!” (Like in Apple’s Bean Counter spot.)

Your résumé is a list of features. A marketing glossy. Nobody but you really cares about it because it’s about you, not them, and what they care about isn’t you, but them. They’d rather be looking at their own résumés! Once people see that your résumé generally fits their mental model of what they expect, and has no fatal flaws, they’re done with it. The problem is, the résumé often becomes all-consuming for the one person most interested in the subject matter: the person whose name is at the top.

To keep from getting captured by the “résumé time suck,” remind yourself frequently to treat your résumé like a sales glossy. As much as possible, have other people help you shape it; they’ll be far less likely to spend hours agonizing over whether the first word in a line should be “Facilitated” or “Helped” or “Assisted,” meaning you’ll have more time to improve what really counts: the underlying product.

Generally, you’ll want a résumé that’s as short as possible while still being complete, easy to read, and easy to understand by a human, for when you work your way into an opportunity through a connection. Your résumé should be short on jargon. In addition, for each position you apply to, you’ll want a customized résumé that is stocked with the relevant buzzwords to survive being scanned by a machine, and that emphasizes the wording of the job description. That’s a different résumé for each application.

A few tips:

• Own your story. Never be defensive about your past. There is power in being able to tell someone, “Team player? C’mon, I was low man on the totem pole for 2 years. What kind of projects do you think I got?! Yes, I know what it means to support the team.”
• Got a hole? Let it be. If you try to hide it, the message to potential employers is that you are the kind of person who tries to paper over your mistakes. The excuse doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that you have one that’s the problem. I’d much rather hear you say, “I was a goof-off, and I paid the price for it when the economy went south… and I’m a changed person now” than try to explain away the situation. At least this way I know you’re a stand up individual.
• Tell me what makes you special. This doesn’t mean rehash your job description, and certainly don’t lie or inflate your last job! Because guess what: I’ve had your job, or something close to it. I can spot the low man on the totem pole. I also know that no two people do the same job quite the same way… so I want to know what’s unique about you. Were you the glue that kept the team together? Can you get your coworkers to call in proactive references? Are you fast? Reliable? Willing to do the grunt work without complaint? How many burgers did you flip in an hour—are you the type to keep count? What accomplishment are you proudest of?

Strengths Documents: Beyond the Résumé

Got more to say than fits on your résumé? Invent a new document. Call it your strengths document, if you must. Use it to facilitate  networking connections and to move the job getting process forward. (Remember, the résumé doesn’t move things forward, it only prevents them from sliding backward.)

Ever ask someone to take a look at your résumé? How silly: (1) it puts the other person in control of the situation, (2) it elevates the process of exchanging the résumé above the results of solving a problem, and (3) it’s socially awkward. The social equivalent of “can I send you my résumé” is “Hey, can I send you a letter explaining why I’m a great person to hang out with?”

Tell your connection that you think you can help solve his or her problem, and back up your claim with your strength document. A strength document is not a formal document. In fact, you’re going to make it up. As such, it has no defined format. It can be anything from a stylized version of your résumé to a block of code to a grid of past jobs and your accomplishments from each to a list of references to something no one’s ever seen before.

I know you don’t like ambiguity, and you want more direction than that. Sorry, Charlie, but I can’t give you more direction… because one of the skills I’m hiring for is the ability to take action in the face of uncertainty. If I tell you more, then I won’t get to see how you handle the uncertainty inherent in the hiring process!

HOMEWORK

Create your own strengths document. I know you want a model to use… resist the desire to copy from a formula! This is a document you are creating to showcase your skills… and more than that, your ability to communicate those skills! The very skill you most want to demonstrate to a prospective employer—beyond your ability to do the job—is your ability to go beyond the job, right? Well, here’s your chance to show off those skills! Watch the video and create your very own strengths document… but be forewarned: the instructions are loose, and there is no model to copy from. This is on purpose. This gives you a chance to show someone how you can both do the job (in this case, create a resume) and go beyond the job (in this case, recognize where the resume falls short and figure out how to plug the gap… all by yourself). Take a risk, and have fun!

If you’re bold enough, post a draft. Time permitting, I’ll take a look and offer some quick comments…

If you still need a job, don’t sweat it. You have what it takes.

When we started, I said that there is something about you that was preventing others from engaging you. Something that stopped them from calling you to ask, “Hey, want to come work here?” Well, maybe your phone isn’t quite ringing off the hook just yet, but the problem that was causing the radio silence is in remission.

If you’ve been putting effort into these lessons, struggling through them, engaging, making mistakes, trying, experimenting, concentrating, thinking, and making them part of your daily routine, then you’ve sown the seeds for a better attitude…

And your Attitude is still the most important part of your job search.

Whether we’re talking about goal setting, research, or sales, attitude is still the engine that drives the ship. You could be the finest vessel on the Seven Seas, but if your attitude is broken, you’re going nowhere.

What you’ve just completed is a 21 day course in attitude maintenance and repair.

You’ve learned how to look at goal setting a new way. How to interpret indirect feedback. How to do research to uncover opportunities “hidden” in plain sight. How to communicate with others in a way that makes them see your value. How to sell yourself when the time comes to close the deal.

Doing these things will help you maintain the right attitude. Maintaining the right attitude will help you do these things. It’s a virtuous cycle, and you’re now spinning in the right direction.

To keep things going, just add effort.

You are important.

I said at the beginning that your attitude is what’s going to compel you to put one proverbial foot in front of the other. I said we’d give you the road map, but that you’d have to provide the forward momentum.

And here you are. Which means we’ve learned some things about you:

• If you’ve reached day 21, you know you’re not lazy.
• If you’ve done the homework, you know you’re not cowardly.
• If you’ve thought about how you could help others in your network, you know you’re not greedy.
• If you’ve been generating new ideas about your future, you know you don’t lack creativity.
• If you’ve focused on specific opportunities and resisted picking up the phone until you had planned the conversation carefully, you’re not desperate.
• If you’ve accepted who you are—and maybe used “yes, and…”—you’re not defensive.

And if you can rule these things out, then you can look in the mirror and know that you’re capable. Your attitude is in the right place and you know how to apply it.

This program is a microcosm of the work world you’re trying to enter; if you did it here, you can do it there.

Nobody’s perfect. But you are important.

Don’t forget about your job search.

Keep doing things that help you stay focused and stress-free, that provide value to yourself and others, and that draw people to want to help you. Engage in activities that improve your confidence and make you attractive to employers.  Do things today that not only get you the job, but prepare you for the job you will get.

And in the back of your mind, keep a part of your being totally focused on the job you want. See it as a done deal in the back of your brain. Michaelangelo said he saw the David in the marble and drew him out… you need to see your job the same way and draw it to you: by holding the entire vision in the back of your mind even while chiseling and scraping the tiniest details.

The Job Search: A Case Study in Project Management

Your job search is still a case study. A laboratory. A playground. It’s where you can practice and develop and experiment with critical skills without recourse. (It’s not like anyone can fire you!) It provides everything you need: ample opportunities for feedback, a good reason to meet people, an opportunity for a new beginning… scary stuff, for sure, but also exhilarating and exciting if you have the right attitude.

We don’t expect you to be masters at the stuff we just covered. Yet. But we do expect you to continue to incorporate it into your day-to-day experiences and make it part of who you are.

So play with it. Challenge it. Accept it, modify it. Make it yours.

And when you walk into day one of your new job, put it to use again to make yourself indispensable.

The skillz that pay the billz… for realz

There are seven core skills you need to master to get that job you want. The first is attitude. You need to bring that one, at least a little bit. Attitude cannot be learned. The other six skills can be… and thankfully, developing in these areas will help reinforce your positive attitude. These skills include:

• Mental preparedness (to focus your efforts),
• Creative Thinking (to find opportunities),
• Research (to explore and prioritize opportunities),
• Communication (to be able to switch from planning to action),
• Selling (to  execute),
• Confidence (to make adjustments/changes/corrections in the approach),
• Project management (to hold it all together).

You’ve practiced all of them, including the last one, sometimes without even realizing it.

Homework!

Consider the last three weeks and answer the following questions as honestly as you can:

1. How many hours per day have you put into your job search?
2. Have you done all the homework?
3. How many companies have you researched?
4. Who have you called?
5. What are your top 5 prospects right now?
6. What are the names of the people at those companies who you’ve spoken with?
7. What could you do for them?
8. Rate the effort you’ve put into this program on a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being the highest.
9. What are you going to do tomorrow to keep the momentum?

Next Steps

Keep it alive. The best way to stay sharp is to mentor someone else going through the course. You may feel like the blind leading the blind, but you’ll be shocked at how much you’ll learn by teaching others. It will also help because it will force you to go through the course again yourself. You will pick things up the 2nd time through that you missed the first time… you will also be able to leverage what you learned in later lessons to do earlier lessons better.

We’re looking at a way to formalize that process through the online course—by opening the boards, etc. We’re not quite there yet technically speaking, but if you have interest, let us know. As members of our first class, you are part of the FYC family.

On final thought: keep your eyes open for someone to mentor you. No one does it alone. You’re important, yes, but ultimately it’s about achieving success, not about proving something to someone.

Congratulations on completing the course.

We will continue to be here for you. We wish you all the success in the world.

Jason & Willy

Spend enough time selling, and you’ll learn one thing for sure:

Things rarely go as planned.

In these cases, what you do to recover is often less important than how you do it. So I want to put two words into your head now and have you take them with you wherever you go. These two words are you new mantra. When things start derailing, say these words to yourself and then work them into your response. You’ve heard them before. I got these words from The Second City, where I took improv classes. These words are

“Yes, and…”

Get to know your new mantra:

“Yes, and…” is relaxed. It relieves tension by making situaitons blameless.

“Yes, and…” solves problems. It directs everyone’s attention and energies on how to move forward from the current state.

“Yes, and…” is emotionally mature. It validates others by accepting whatever “is.”

“Yes, and…” is creative. It tricks your mind in thinking positively by committing you to a solution before you know what that solution will be.

“Yes, and…” sets the right tone. it pre-empts the need to get defensive.

One related point: countless interviews fall apart on the question, “Why do you want to work here?” You know this question is coming, so there is no reason to be surprised by it! See this blog post for a quick primer on how to answer that question.

HOMEWORK!!!

Put “Yes, and…” to use in your life right now. Have fun with this. As quickly as possible, respond to the following challenges as if you were sitting in a job interview. Go as fast as you can—start responding the moment you finish reading the statement, before you have a chance to think about it. (You’ll be surprised how quickly your brain processes a coherent response.) Do it out loud.

Laughing is OK—some of these challenges are ridiculous, so I expect some of your responses will be, too. Roll with it. Assume every challenge is legit and requires a response—you are not allowed to say, “But that’s not true!” I’m trying to break you of defensive behaviors here, so play along.

You may do this exercise as often as you wish. In fact, you should. Enjoy… if this doesn’t frustrate you/make you smile/make you want to call a friend to do it with you, you’re doing it wrong. Here we go:

• I see you only have one arm, but you applied to be a stock clerk…?
• How did you graduate from the University of Michigan without meeting a single person from Michigan?
• It says on your resume that you spent a summer building huts for migrant farmers in outer Mongolia. So you’re a bleeding heart liberal, huh? You know that we’re a bank, right?
• So, you’ve done quite a bit of traveling, I see… it must be nice having rich parents.
• That’s an impressive GPA. So ya think you’re smart?
• That’s an interesting outfit you’re wearing today. You know we’re not business casual here, right?
• Why should I hire you? Aside from the paycheck?
• Every Thursday is donut day where we bring in an entire box of donuts per person, and no one is allowed to go home until they finish their whole box… doesn’t that sound great?!

Many people fear negotiatons… which is silly. There’s no need, especially at this phase in your career, when you have zero power. Why stress about something that’s outside your control?

The way I see it, many new careerists stress that they’ll “leave value on the table” and not negotiate the best deal possible. Well, of course you’ll leave value on the table! Of course you’ll negotiate a suboptimal deal! You’ve never done this before, you’re a rookie, and it’s folly to expect that your first time out, you’ll negotiate like a master!

Some things to keep in mind:

Most people approach negotiations positionally: I want to get paid $50k, you want to pay me $40k, we settle at $45k… or you tell me that $40k is your highest and best offer and that I can take it or leave it.

Good negotiators have a different mentality. They focus on creating as much “value” as possible before divvying it up, and they do this by asking questions about why the positions are what they are. “Why $40k?” “Is that a hard-and-fast salaray band? Do you offer more where performance merits it, or are all bonuses and raises based solely on tenure?” These kinds of questions are called “getting to interests,” and they are useful in making sure that you are negotiating the best deal possible… keeping in mind that you have no power and so probably still won’t be able to capture the value you create. (C’est la Vie.)

Things you can do to get to interests and maximize your chances of getting a less-sucky deal:

• Put everything on the table. If you need a visa or have a vacation planned, state that up front.
• Be prepared to cancel/change vacation plans. Especially if you are interviewing with a small company, I can promise you that the person you are talking with has made personal sacrifices for the good of the company, and will see you as selfish and uncommitted if you aren’t at least willing to discuss changing your vacation plans. (Think of it this way: imagine you work up the nerve to tell someone you love him/her. The person looks at you and says, “Hold that thought; my friend just texted me a a link to a website and the note said, ‘LOL.’ I’m going to check it out real fast, OK?” The conversation is just… wrong.)
• Acknowledge your awareness of the situation. “I assume I have limited flexibility here, but I’d still like to understand the contract. Do you mind if I ask some questions?” Showing diligence and a willingness to probe can unlock opportunities, even though you’re not asking directly.
• Prepare to make trade-offs. Salary for benefits, for example.
• Don’t even ask about working at home. Remember, this conversation is taking place in a broader context… the time to ask about flex-hours is AFTER you’ve demonstrated  your ability to do knock-out work.
• Focus on the relationship. Negotiating the “best” deal is pointless if you aggravate the person you’re negotiating with… because ultimately, they have the ability (and prerogative) to step back and say, “You know what? Never mind.” Always keep the next  conversation in mind!

One final thought: Keep the humanity in the discussion. You are at an informational disadvantage here—and no matter what you know, you probably won’t be able to close this gap. Let that be OK.

Earlier, when learning about the company, it was critical to know as much as possible. And then when we talked about relationship building, again you wanted to learn. Now, in your negotiation, you should find out what standard comp is for someone in your position, you should find out what people are saying about the company, etc., but you should also be prepared to hear: “Look, I understand you’ve done your homework, but this is what the offer here is.” You NEVER want to paint yourself in a negotiating corner like this, especially in this market.

The reason has nothing to do with the offer, either: it has to do with the *next* conversation… if you get an ultimatum, and accept, you are now subordinate to the person informally as well as formally. They own you psychologically—they said jump, and you said OK—and you may never recover from that power imbalance for as long as you work there. Also, if you push back on the ultimatum, you’re gone. There are too many people gunning for that job in this economy for the company to give away that psychological power. Better to leave the issue unaddressed.

HOMEWORK!!!

Pick up a copy of Getting to Yes. Read it. You should be able to read it cover-to-cover in four days, max.

I don’t want to spend too long on this topic because there is a major piece of me that can’t believe these things need to be said. Still, I’ve seen the mistakes with my own eyes, and I don’t want to take the chance that the next mistake-maker will be you, so… here we go:

From this day forward, you are always on, all the time, even with your family. Whether you think of it as “professionalism,” “personal branding,” or “just being you,” you must now be “more perfect.” I don’t ever want to hear you complain that you didn’t realize someone was listening, you didn’t know who that person was, or that some people should just accept you for who you are.

(Because someone’s always listening, the road back to the person you’re talking about is always shorter than you realize, and nobody has to accept you for who you are.)

But I’ve talked about this. So what does it mean?

For one thing, you must become adaptive. Don’t focus so much on adapting to a “corporate environment,” because that environment is going to change from company to company. Focus instead on being adaptive, which means that you are willing to negotiate your personal preferences with the group. It also means that you are going to be attentive to the way I want to work and you are going to go out of your way to make my life easier. This is a particular form of respect, and this is what I want to see.

Unfortunately, the way most people use the word respect, it comes across as, “Do what I say and don’t ask questions.” But that’s not it at all. What your future employer wants to see is that you will make him/her more important than yourself. That you will earn respect for yourself by first showing it to others. That you will be someone who won’t annoy or pester.

That you’ll be a grown up.

Now, when you’re selling yourself, you need to keep in mind that your conversation/interview exists within a broader context. The employer has probably seen other candidates. If the hiring manager is older, s/he may have children your age. There are biases and filters in place, and you have to accept that. So, for instance, if you are on the phone with your mom when the interviewer walks up to you, and you keep the interviewer waiting while you finish your call, the interviewer is going to think “overprotected/sheltered child with helicopter parents” and will now turn the entire interview into a hunt for the answer to a single question: “How much parenting will you require on the job?” You’ll think you’re dazzling the person with stories about how you raised $500k for a charity group in college, and the interviewer will be thinking, “Baloney. I wonder what favors Daddy called in to help you pull that off.” But s/he’ll never say it… you’ll just never hear back from him/her.

To protect yourself from such (mis)attributions, you need to immediately re-frame the conversation the moment you make contact. Previous lessons have covered how to convey interpersonal and other skills. Here are some ways to make sure that you come across as professional, too:

• Leave your cell phone someplace else, like in your car. Don’t even tempt yourself with it.
• Wear something that in a different context would get someone to notice you, but not anything you’d ever wear on a date.
• Men: you need to look like your future CEO material. Go grab a copy of Fortune and flip through it. Look at the powerful people. Dress they way they’re dressed… and don’t look for the two guys in flip-flops and say, “See?!” You know where I’m going with this. Your pants should have a crease and you should have a sport coat that fits. (I don’t care if you never wear this stuff again. You’re selling today. Look better than you think you need to.) And by “fits,” I mean mentally as well as physically. If you have a style, great, but most of you don’t… so you’ll need practice. Wear the thing to dinner a couple of nights so that when you put it on for a job interview, it doesn’t feel stiff. Also, no dangling keychains, no make up (do I really need to say this?), and no t-shirts—regardless of how much money you spent on it, it’s still a friggin’ t-shirt.
• Women: this is a little impolite, but you need to hear it. Put ‘em away. Yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. This is not the time for “lift and separate.” Form fitting is fine, but buttons straining to pop are not. And when you turn around, I do not want to see a thong peeking out at me. Nothing against butt floss—heaven knows I’m no puritanical fundamentalist—but this is neither the time nor the place. If your pants call for one, fine. But check: if you’re pants are light, don’t be wearing black underwear. And if your pants have a low waist, make sure everything has a low waist… or that you’ve got a long shirt on. Anything else and I’m going to have a hard time taking you seriously.
• Everyone: if you’re young, you probably still have some nervous habit left over from your teenage days. Find out what it is and get over it. Do you play with your hair? Chew it? Chew gum? Fidget? Rock your knees back and forth? Tuck your leg under your butt when you’re sitting? Bite your nails? Whatever it is, now’s the time to get past it. Did I say “now?” I meant NOW.
• Ask me when and how you should follow up by phone by asking if I prefer to be called during the day or before or after hours, when things are less hectic. Pay attention. If I say I’m up at six and you can call me at seven, call me at seven. But if I say call me at work, then don’t call me cell next Saturday morning!
• Be pleasant and friendly to everyone you meet, starting with the security guards / garage attendants… These are real people. Talking with them will serve three purposes: first, should anyone see you in action, they’ll like you. Second, it’ll loosen you up before the meeting that counts. And third, should you get stonewalled later during follow up, these are the people who can help you break through. It’s the receptionist, after all, who decided whether or not to route your call!
• Sit up. No slouching.
• Minimize the “ums” and “likes.”

If you can do all this, you’ll be lightyears ahead of your competition! (How do you stand out given all these constraints? First, by being GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO; second, by being crisp, tight, and controlled. Think of pop musicians: you can spot the formula from a mile away, yet you can also clearly tell the good ones from the wanna-be’s! Finally, you are allowed to take risks… just take them purposefully. Don’t waste your risk-taking on something silly like your wardrobe.)

HOMEWORK!

Bust out the video-recorder! For this one, you’ll need a friend to help you. Have them put you through a mock job interview. Record yourself and then watch it, noting any “tells,” leftover teenager behaviors, and nervous tics. The interview should feel contrived… that’s the point. When you get into the real interview, you will feel as nervous and weird as you do being mock-interviewed by your friend, so watching how you react now will give you some clues as to how you will react during the real deal. Also, dress up for it so you can see how you look: are you trying too hard? Do you look like you’re going on a date right after the interview? Or are you professional, crisp, and ready for action?

Everything about selling yourself to HR can be summed up thusly: Dot your i’s and cross your t’s.

In many companies, HR does not have the power to hire you, but they do have the power to nix you. In other companies, HR operates on behalf of the hiring manager… but think about what kind of pressure that puts HR under: they are hiring someone they’ve never met to work with someone else they may not know, and if it’s not a good match, someone’s going to be at the door blaming them for the problem. So, as a pain/risk avoidance measure, HR in these cases will adhere as closely to the job description provided by the hiring manager as they possibly can.

Now, you know from Willy how much we care for those job descriptions.

So, what do you do?

You do this:

1. You establish rapport. Find a way to share a human connection with the individual IMMEDIATELY, before the questions begin.
2. You answer all questions directly and succinctly. You turn “off” your salesperson hat and turn “on” your commodity hat for a bit. There are boxes and those boxes need to be checked. Next.
3. You don’t judge. You give the person you’re talking to the benefit of the doubt, assume the person has more mental capacity than the job calls for, and as a result, feels the same way about the questions s/he’s asking you as you do. (And by the way, you can use this as the foundation for the human connection you watn to make.)

Don’t worry about selling this person. HR is generally not a buyer, HR is an influencer. Answering the questions lets the person you’re talking to cover his/her butt by filling out the appropriate paperwork. Making the connection turns the person into an ally.

Yes, lots of people are trying to get this person’s attention. Don’t worry about that. It’s not in what you say, it’s in how you say it. If you are sincere and earnest, that will come through and will get you noticed in a good way, which is what you want!

HOMEWORK:

Rent/download and watch the movie Tommyboy. You are Chris Farley. Your journey in selling yourself is his journey in selling brake pads. Pay particular attention to the scene in the restaurant: that’s you working with HR. (The kitchen would be the hiring manager, for those of you who need to see the whole analogy.)